The bumper sticker says it all: “I am not a bum. My wife works.”When Sean Pittelko is seen toting his two young boys around town in the middle of the day, he doesn’t have to offer an explanation. He can simply point to his bumper. Pittelko has taken on the non-traditional role of a stay-at-home dad. While most dads spend their days behind an office desk or by swinging a hammer Sean spends his days taking bike rides to the park and playing with his two boys Will, 3, and Luke, 1 while mom, Ulrika Wigert, tends to her job as a family doctor at Lakeview Medical Clinic. The idea of Sean staying home started as a joke. When the couple decided to have children, Sean kiddingly said he would have to stay home to raise the children, despite never changing a diaper in his life. But when the reality of a little one entering the world set in, it all made perfect sense for Sean to stay home.“It just made sense to not spend 11 years on her education to have her stay home with the kids,” Sean said. Ulrika was supportive of the idea, but nervous.“A few people were nervous, including myself,” Sean said. “But it worked out well.”Said Ulrika: “He was probably more nervous than I was.”Before Will was born, Sean received books and magazines on childcare from his wife and mother-in-law. He said he appreciated the gifts, but admits he hasn’t used the material in his day-to-day activities with his boys.“I’ve basically used common sense and trial and error,” he said. “With two boys it’s been a little different. Things that worked well with Will don’t necessarily work well with Luke.”While Ulrika was pregnant with Will, Sean, who has a biology degree from Bemidji State University, was working in Cytogenetics (chromosome analysis) at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester. The two decided they wanted to get out of the big city and move to a small town to raise their family. It was also decided that someone would stay home with the kids rather than put their child in day care. Ulrika was offered a position in Sauk Centre, and in October of 2002, Sean quit his job and the family moved to the new Morningview addition off of County Road 17.Sean said he misses his job, but is happy with his choice to stay home with the kids.“It made sense for me to quit my job,” Sean said. “I do miss the social aspect of work, and the challenges of the job.”But there are plenty of new challenges in his new position as stay-at-home dad. When Will was a baby, Sean said, “I just fed him and then he slept. I had to get used to the diaper changing, though.”But as Will got older, Sean started to spend more time interacting with him. Then after Luke was born, it was interacting with Will while caring for the baby. Now Luke is on the verge of walking, which will be a new challenge in itself.Sean said his biggest challenge has been balancing non-traditional male duties with traditional male duties, such as fixing the car and mowing the lawn. Because Ulrika works long hours at times, work at home can pile up. Sean also prepares the meals. He said he enjoys experimenting in the kitchen and tries to introduce a new meal every week. When he does get some free time, Sean likes to work on home projects, whether it is a landscaping project or fixing up a pair of jet skis he bought on the cheap.“It gets frustrating sometimes trying to find time for yourself,” he said. Another challenge for Sean has been being accepted by stay-at-home moms. “Some have taken me in and some have shied away from the situation,” he said.One thing he has learned is that there isn’t much football talk when hanging out with stay-at-home moms.“They pretty much stick to the women stuff,” he said.In today’s society it is more and more difficult for a parent to stay at home to raise their children. Day cares have become the norm for young families. But for Sean and Ulrika, day care was never an option, and they have seen the benefits of Sean being there for what he calls “the little things that help shape a person.” Little things like planting a seed in the backyard or seeing a dead mouse on a family walk.“I think there is a lot of truth in the statement the best things in life are free,” he said.“He’ll remember that dead mouse a lot longer than he will remember what he got for Christmas.”Sean says he has learned a lot about parenting, both from the hands-on experience of raising his own kids to watching how other parents raise theirs. He said there are some differences between a stay at home mom and a stay at home dad.“I’m a lot less cuddly,” he said. “If one of my kids fall down I just kind of dust them off.”He and Ulrika haven’t decided whether they will have more children. And Sean hasn’t decided what he’ll do when the boys are in school. For the time being he will continue concentrating on raising his boys the best way he can. One thing is for certain — Sean has come a long way for someone who never changed a diaper before.“I feel lucky he is willing to stay home rather than put the kids in day care,” Ulrika said. “And he does a great job. I would give him an A+.”
Reader Comments
Posted: Tuesday, April 12, 2005
Article comment by:
Pam & Steve Ferguson
This article is very interesting in the cultural aspect of looking at things, family life in particular. Presently I am taking a cultural anthropology class at the community college here in the panhandle of Texas where I live. I find the diversity in the many cultures of the world and family life fascinating and intend on giving this article to my instructor for her class. Of course, I must admit that Sean and Rika Pittelko are family, our nephew and niece. We are proud of them and their decision to raise a family this way. One last comment, the picture that we took on a brief visit to Minnesota will stick in my mind forever. It was of Will when he was a toddler riding in the baby-backpack strapped to his dad’s back when we hiked down to a waterfall. All you could see was Will’s rounded little face sticking out of a hooded coat, the face of a content baby, like he belonged there. Later that evening when little Will’s mother came home from work, he had the biggest smile on his face and was content to cuddle with her the rest of the evening. A happy baby, a happy dad, and a happy mother, the way families should be, no matter who stays home to tend the children.
Posted: Tuesday, April 12, 2005
Article comment by:
Delois Wallace
Sean is my nephew. I live in Mo. This article is very good. Keep up the good work Sean, I'm proud of you .
